There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. “Everything’s big in Texas ma’am,” said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. “I told you, ma’am, that everything is big in Texas,” said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. “Please!” she screamed. “Don’t flush it!”

A dog owner in Dallas had a pit bull that hated to walk. He kept sitting down and bracing his feet so that his owner would have to drag him by his leash. The owner finally gave up when he realized that he was creating a bottomless pit.

Curious Child:  Mummy, what happens when a car gets too old and rusty to work?

Serious Mom:  Someone sells it to your father.

Did Ya Ever Just Wonder…??

How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

You know how packages say “Open here”.  What if the package says, “Open somewhere else”? Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?

Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?

Why is it you have a “pair” of pants and only one bra?

How come when I call information they can’t tell me where my keys are?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do we go under over-passes and over under-passes?

How do “Keep off the grass” signs get where they are?

If the plural of “mouse” is “mice, shouldn’t the plural of “house” be “hice”?

What happens to the holes when all the cheese has been eaten?

If you put orange juice in the freezer it becomes frozen, then why when you squeeze an orange doesn’t it become squozen?

Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes?

Wouldn’t it be easier to just hire taller dancers?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Don’t think that you’re thinking. If you think that you’re thinking you only think that you’re thinking.

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

If a train station is where a train stops, what is a workstation?

Why is it, when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not adoor?

Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?